the most ridiculous thing.

“Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness.”
― Allen Ginsberg

"Stop shoulding all over yourself," she told me. I giggled. She didn't.

And then I went on. "But, I have to. I already started. Everyone else did. If I don't, I'll look like such a failure. I really should."

She repeated. "Stop shoulding all over yourself, Ruth. Every time you hear yourself say the word should, create an alarm to go off in your brain. Should is just a judgment. Don't use it."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"You look so put together today!" she told me. I looked at her, confused.

I did not feel put together. I had my hair done and had makeup on and was wearing a nice outfit from a photo shoot earlier that day

but I in no way felt put together. What does "put together" even mean? I thought to myself.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I told her how I'm in my 20s and feel the need to have a significant other and a child and an established home and at least a job with benefits.

She told me she's in her 30s and has all those things and feels like she needs something else.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Because there's no one way our lives should look.

What does that even mean, anyway? Our lives looking a certain way.

Is there anything more ridiculous?

You can't look at someone's life and decide if it's yes or no.

You can't look at your own life and decide if it's enough like someone else's.

That's the most ridiculous thing, I think. 

Absolutely absurd.

Totally bizarre.

Completely nonsensical.

And so I'm moving on.